Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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