Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
