you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
