happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
