k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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