"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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