no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
