its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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