I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want her autograph on my taint
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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