I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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