What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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