I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
