He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my being single is dangerous.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dick has a subreddit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
