Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
