Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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