i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
