Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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