Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
