Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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