Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
