i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you win again, gameday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm like, not good at living.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
