this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
