Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
