My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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