So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
