so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
