Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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