Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did i walk over a car last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
