On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
