You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
