Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
