Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
