So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
