Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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