I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
