Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
