This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
