All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
