The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm at about main and main street
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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