Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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