two words...techno handjob
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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