So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
