My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
