I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
