Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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