New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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