hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
