He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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