Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
