Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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