Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
